Nonetheless, most contemporary men do not seem to know how to love someone a long while and desirably. They tend not to be able to improve the emotion of love, and the tendency of the people is towards take it lightly. According to an article about social indicator in Korea,(2002) divorce rate in Korea is three times more than 10 years ago. Under this circumstance, I suggest that in order to love someone successfully, you should keep these two terms: to keep pace with your lover, and to communicate constantly with him. This essay analyses why you should keep pace with your lover scientifically. Then it explores the necessity of communication, and proper conversational skills.
What will be used mainly in this essay were formed by Einstein, a German-born theoretical physicist and philosopher of science. He received the 1921 Nobel Prize in Physics "for his services to theoretical physics, and especially for his discovery of the law of the photoelectric effect", and his intellectual achievements and originality have made the word "Einstein" synonymous with genius.
Here the concepts:This is the brief theoretical background of my thesis. Then let's turn our eyes to the importance of communication in long-term romantic relationship. Many people have accentuated the necessity of interaction with the significant others.
1. Relativity of simultaneity: Two events, simultaneous for one observer, may not be simultaneous for another observer if the observers are in relative motion.
2. Time dilation: Moving clocks are measured to tick more slowly than an observer's "stationary" clock.
3. The laws of physics are the same for all observers in uniform motion relative to one another (principle of relativity).
Psychologists stay that the intoxicating feeling of being in love lasts only about 18 months to three years at most; however, a study conducted by psychologist Bianca Acevedo and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher found that it's possible to keep love alive in a long-term relationship. The key was continuous communication.
Other studies have proven that a good relationship offers medical benefits of lower stress levels, reduced risk of Alzheimer's, and even improves cancer survival rates.
Furthermore, Joshua Uebergang emphasized the importance of communication, saying "Communication is the relationship. Communication connects people. You can do neither when communication is nonexistent." in his essay. And Marie Willsey also mentioned on it like this: "How do you keep romance alive? If there's a special person in your life, you know how important good communication is to staying close and keeping the fires of passion burning. Good communication skills are essential, whether you've been together for two months or 32 years."
Given the views of various figures, the conditions of lasting romantic relationship is "interaction". Relationship is not formed only with passion and love of either only one side, and the absence of communication and care toward each other exacerbates it. Love for one another should be done at the same time, and if it does not pass to each other, relationship cannot be developed into a preferred relationship.
The problem is that people are not loving each other at the same time. They tend to believe that they themselves are in love with one another in contemporary period. Of course, it is just illusion. In accordance with Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity”, as I mentioned, two events, simultaneous for one observer, may not be simultaneous for another observer if the observers are in relative motion(Relativity of simultaneity). This is related to time dilation, in which moving clocks are measured to tick more slowly than an observer's "stationary" clock. And in his vision of universe, the laws of physics are the same for all observers in uniform motion relative to one another(principle of relativity).
Let's apply this theoretical information to romantic relationship. When it is applied on actual practical life, it emphasizes the necessity of keeping pace with each other. The 'pace' here can be applied on anything in real life. Starting from speed of a physical step, to the rate of all mental communion, to the timing of marriage and sex, in each field, if either one is faster or cannot keep up with the speed of the other side, their love is unable to be present at the same time anymore. Misaligned love flows the parallel line, and the arrow of love toward each other can not reach them.
Let's take a look at the lyrics accentuating the importance of keeping pace with one another.
I know that you've been calling me / And I'm happy that we met
Don't think that I'm not interested / I'm just playing hard to get
So much about this crazy game they call love / That I'm trying to understand
so could you be my best friend / Before you call yourself my man
Why can't I love you in slow motion / Take my time
Take away the pressure on my mind / Really get to know you
But rewind / Wanna love you in slow motion / Why can't I
You seem to know just what you want / And I like your confidence
Some things a girl should never rush / Cause if you do you hurt yourself
. . .
I'm too young for tears in the night / And it's too soon for this to be right
Don't wanna mess with your pride / The question is not when but why
. . .
- 'slow motion', by Karina(First Love, 2008.09.02).But how to keep pace with the significant other? In other words, how can I know my partner's pace before conflict? The answer, of course, is continuous communication. When sticking to only the self-righteous opinions of themselves in the absence of interaction the difference between the rate of each other occurs, which would violate their time zone. As already stated in the narration part, dialogue is necessary in the successful continuation of relation, and accounts for a significant proportion. In this sense, the challenge given to all couples is to know how to do appropriate conversation and practice it.
Various views on the ways have already been presented by many previous studies, and I have only selected three commonly highlighted methods among those.
The first step is related to speaking skill. It is to make it habit of using "I" or "me" statements. Don't start an argument off by accusing your partner of making a mistake. If you say, "You always..." or "You never..." then your partner's guard will be up and he'll be less likely to listen to your perspective. Instead, say something like, "I've noticed that..." or "Lately, I've been feeling like..." Making the discussion centered around your feelings will make your partner feel less like he's being castigated and more like he's part of a productive discussion.
The second one, perhaps the most important step, is to listen to your partner. The necessity of listening have already been highlighted throughout the history. According to Bryant H. McGill, "one of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say", and also, there is an old maxim from native Americans: "listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." John M. Grohol also has included 'listening' into his steps to better communication.
To listen to your significant other is not difficult at all. Just put yourself in your partner's place. Use the power of imagination to fully envision what your partner's perspective might be in a given situation. Be aware that there might be factors you don't know about. When he or she is talking, putting yourself in his shoes can help you understand why your behavior, or the situation at hand, may be frustrating for him. When you're angry or upset, it's hard to see past your side of the argument, but this technique can actually help you reach a resolution faster.
The last step is to keep the peace. The factors affecting to proceeding conversation in a calm manner are various. First of all, you should just keep as calm as you can. Though you may not be able to be cool, the calmer you are, the more easily you will be able to express your feelings. So, if you're feeling furious in the middle of a conversation, or even livid before you bring up the issue, take a breather until you feel calm enough to start a productive discussion. Speak in a slow, even tone to articulate your ideas. Also, to maintain positive body language is necessary. Having positive body language can help set a positive tone to the discussion. Look your partner in the eyes and turn your body to him. You can use your arms to gesture, but don't move them so wildly that you start getting out of control. Don't cross your arms over your chest or your partner will feel that you are already closed off to what he has to say. Lastly, let him finish. Though he may say something completely outrageous or something that you feel like you just have to correct, don't jump in and interrupt him right in the middle of the discussion. Make a mental note of a point you want to address later and let your partner say everything he has to say. When he's done, it'll be your turn to respond, and then you can address his points one by one.
Evidently, this essay takes an unconventional view and was being developed uniquely, so plenty of people are expected to refute my position. One of the probable counterarguments is that this one has scientific error.
Velocity of the observer must be nearing the speed of light in order to observe a noticeable effect of relativity of simultaneity. To carry my point I have applied the special theory of relativity, however, a discrepancy between the time is be able to happen only under the assumption that time dilation occurs. It can be seen the observation on such an effect in the daily life is almost impossible for this reason. Furthermore, in the strict sense, the concept of "motion" in Einstein's theory only means the physical movement, not include the pace of mental communion, or the timing of marriage and sex. Therefore, my opinion can sound like a sophism. Of course, these arguments are all shortsighted and overlook one of the ways to develop an essay: analogy, a comparison between two objects, or systems of objects, that highlights respects in which they are thought to be similar. Analogies are widely recognized as playing an important heuristic role, as aids to discovery. They have been employed, in a wide variety of settings and with considerable success, to generate insight and to formulate possible solutions to problems.
According to Joseph Priestley, a pioneer in chemistry and electricity,
analogy is our best guide in all philosophical investigations; and all discoveries, which were not made by mere accident, have been made by the help of it. (1769/1966: 14)And the reason I suggested the Einstein's theory of relativity as the rationale of this essay, of course, was the purpose to give a convincing and novelty in my argument, using deployment method called analogy. Consequently, the claim that my opinion is wrong because it has error scientifically cannot make a sense in this case.
The modern society is becoming more and more deserted as it becomes progressive, and under such context a trend that emphasizes the importance of the spiritual values spreads. Especially because the emotion of love is with a large force, we need to know for sure how to deal with it. However, judging by higher divorce rates and shorter dating period of modern society, people are seen to be unaware of the exact method. When the trend to downplay the spiritual values in society becomes rampant, and the members of society are unable to utilize them properly, that society will be full of violence and cruelty, eventually sliding into catastrophe.
Process needed to cultivate love is not difficult or complex. The answer is ongoing communication and care, which would be the respect to each other, keeping pace of one another. I sincerely hope that more and more people realize this, and practice it. I believe, if so, that our society will be able to become emotionally richer, more desirable community than now.
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